Flower Girl Responsibilities
Ring Bearer: The ring bearer is often a boy, though a girl may also serve as ring bearer. It is acceptable to have more than one ring bearer, if desired, or none at all. On the day of the wedding, the ring bearer will walk down the aisle after the bridesmaids and either before the flower girl or with her. He/she will carry a pillow that has either the bride and groom’s rings attached to it, or plastic rings attached.
The child who is chosen to be the ring bearer should be old enough to understand what is happening and to cooperate with people who may be strangers without becoming frightened. If the ceremony isn’t too long, the ring bearer may stand with the groomsmen. If the child is young, or the ceremony is long, the child may take a seat with parents after he/she has given the rings to both the bride and the groom. After the ceremony, the child may be more comfortable if he/she is able to change into other clothing. Children do not stand in a receiving line.
Depending on the clothing the bride chooses for the ring bearer to wear, the ring bearer’s parents may be asked to purchase or rent the clothing. The bride and groom should decide who will pay for the cost of the clothing before the child is asked to participate in the wedding, so there are no misunderstandings. Generally, the parents pay the costs.
Flower Girl: Though either a girl or a boy can be a ring bearer, only a girl can be a flower girl. It is acceptable to have more than one flower girl, if desired, or none at all. Dress the flower girl like a child, rather than in a miniature formal. The bride will decide what the flower girl wears and it may be necessary for the child’s parents to pay for the clothing.
During the wedding, the flower girl precedes the bride down the aisle and sprinkles flower petals for the bride to walk on (if allowed). During the ceremony, she will stand beside the bridesmaids. The child or children who act as flower girls should be old enough to understand what is happening and to cooperate with people who may be strangers without becoming frightened. If the child is young, or the ceremony is long, it is acceptable for the flower girl to be seated with her parents if they are seated near the front of the room. The flower girl does not stand in a receiving line.
Candle Lighters: Older children or young adults should be chosen to act as candle lighters. If there are numerous candles, you might choose two candle lighters. If there are only a few candles, one candle lighter can probably handle them all. If the candle lighters are male, they should be dressed in tuxedos or suits similar to those worn by the groomsmen. In fact, the groomsmen or bridesmaids, or one of each, may act as candle lighters, if you prefer. If the candle lighters are female, they should wear dresses that coordinate with those worn by the bridesmaids, but they do not need to match exactly. Be certain the persons chosen to light the candles are tall enough to reach the top-most candles in the tallest candelabra.
The candle lighters will be the first members of the wedding party to walk down the aisle. If there are candles on the ends of the pews, those should be lighted first, then the candles at the front of the room. The candle lighters do not light the unity candle or side tapers unless requested to do so. After lighting the candles, the candle lighters exit back up the aisle. They may then be seated with their parents or the other guests. After all members of the wedding party have left the sanctuary and the mothers of the bride and groom and grandmothers have been ushered out, the candle lighters may return to extinguish the candles if the bride chooses for them to do so. The candle lighters do not stand in a receiving line. Candle lighters or their parents may be asked to pay for their clothing for the wedding.
Ushers: The groomsmen may serve as ushers, or the groom may choose other individuals to serve. Plan on having one usher for every 50 guests. If people other than groomsmen serve as ushers, they should be dressed in tuxedos similar to those worn by the groomsmen, or in matching suits. Ushers should not be dressed in casual shirts and slacks unless the wedding is casual. Guests need to be able to identify them. The primary responsibility of the ushers is to seat the wedding guests before the ceremony. Ushers will be given instructions at the rehearsal about where honored guests, such as mothers of the bride and groom and grandparents, are to be seated.
If the reception is being held at the same location as the ceremony, ushers may be asked to accept gifts as guests arrive. At the end of the ceremony, after the wedding party has exited the sanctuary, two ushers will return to escort the mothers and grandmothers out and to dismiss the guests, unless the bride and groom choose to do it themselves. The ushers should be able to direct guests to the location of the reception, whether it is being held in another room in the same building or at another location. They should also be familiar with the location of coat racks, rest rooms, nursery, and any other areas guests may need. If the reception is being held in the same location as the ceremony, the ushers may be asked to assist in moving chairs, setting up tables, setting out centerpieces and other necessary activities to quickly prepare for the reception.
The ushers do not stand in a receiving line. Ushers should remain in their tuxedos for a reasonable time during the reception before changing. After changing, the tuxedos should be given to the best man or another designated individual, who will return them unless the usher paid for his own, then it is his responsibility to return it.
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When the members of the wedding party know what to do and work together, the wedding will proceed smoothly.
-© 2006 Glenna Tooman, Memory Makers Event Planning, LLC; all rights reserved